Monday, December 03, 2012

Self-Identifying

The elements of me being a writer; but only
at home.
This is tangentially related to the end of NaNoWriMo, but I'll have a postgame report about that which'll run on Friday at The Confabulator Cafe. This is foremost in mind right now.

Up until this spring I always identified myself as a manager of people through my job. I was always that first (after being a father and a husband) and a writer after that. In my life I've been a lot of things and before I was a manager I was cook and a musician and an artist and a kid. When I changed jobs, it helped me understand something about myself: I'm a writer before I'm a manager. Really and truly.

So, me: father, husband, writer, manager.

This is a huge shift personally. Don't get me wrong, my job is terribly important to me but it's not the third group I belong to now, it's the fourth. This reflects my confidence in my abilities as a writer, I suppose, and the fact that the new day job is so much less stressful than the previous one. I wasn't unhappy there, I was stressed out way more than I thought. Leaving that job helped me put some things in perspective. Spending a good deal of my summer working on the novel and making plans for more writing solidified it, too, I suppose.

I suppose it's a bit of a risk to say this in public like this, but it may be that it's not, too. I mean when I'm at work I give everything all my attention. I make sure the job is getting done and a little more, too. The difference is that at home, I don't think about my job any more. I don't worry about or plan for things to happen in certain ways. The job stays at the job and home stays at home.

I don't know, really, where I wanted to go with this but I thought it was important to say out loud because there may come a time when you self-identify with something different than what you always have. You should know that it happens.

I'm not sure I want this to post, looking it over. Not that anything would happen with the day job, it's not that kind of place. Being a writer is important to me. If I win the lottery (fat chance!) that's what I'll do - be a full-time writer of stories.

Until then, I'll go to my day job and do the best I can every day and give 100% all the time. When I'm there I'll be there. But I won't take it home. Not like I did before.

We'll see if my writing improves (or my output) with this shift.