Friday, July 06, 2012

Nina Simone and the Keyboard

Uh, yeah. Kind of where
my head's at today. Borrowed from
Wikimedia.
This isn't really about Nina Simone, so if you came looking for a story about her, sorry. Really I'm talking about when I feel good about my writing. Which is more often lately, but then I'm apprehensive again. So Nina Simone, Feeling Good. That's the connection here. Moving on.

I'm told this is normal. I see some of my friends online talking about their insecurities as writers and I look at their work and say to myself "Wow - how can he be so self-deprecating?" Then I remember who it is and I understand.

Sorry to be mysterious. Maybe I'm making it all up. Maybe this is me just sort of stream-of-consciousnessing some BS about when and why I feel good about what I'm writing. Probably not. Well, it's not likely anyway. I always tell you guys the truth here on the blog, don't I?

But I do say things that I'm not sure I should say. I suppose that's when I think I'm the most insecure, when I say things I'm not one hundred percent assured are the best things to say. There are subjects I avoid here just because they're none of your business. When one of those things becomes part of a point I want to make I always always always think it through at least twice and more like a dozen times before I put it down.

Like all the stuff I said about the pre-planning of my NaNoWriMo work. I won't do that again because I look back and I see a lot of things I either didn't follow through on or didn't believe in totally when I wrote it. To be sure it was mostly me just writing out loud, working through my process and since then I've learned about myself that I should be more inscrutable.

Of course I'm breaking that rule by writing these things here today.

Well, maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe I'm just making a public statement that I'm focusing more on the actual writing than the thinking. Yeah, that's it. I'm telling you that the things that are on the blog about my process will stay up there but it'll be rare that I'll share any kind of deep thinking about the development of a particular story. That stuff I'll have to pull back.

But, while I was writing that story back in November and December and when I was editing it again last month, I felt great about it. Now that it's back out to my beta readers, I'm all nervous again. It's significantly changed since the Zero Draft and I'm all anxious about what they'll think, what they'll say. I shouldn't be, the story's good. It's very good. I just want it to be better and that's what I'm hoping to hear from them. Wait and see, I guess.

So right now I'm not feeling too good about my writing at this particular moment because it's out there for others to see and comment on. I've got thick enough skin that I can take the criticism, I'll just worry it to death before it comes back.

As an aside, and I suppose a reward for you reading this far, I'm also over at The Confabulator Cafe talking about Writer's Block today. If you'd be so kind as to click over there and read that then peruse everyone else's thoughts on the subject, you may find some insight into this post here. Not that I'm trying to go all Meta on you or anything. I'm just saying.

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