Last night I was at the store getting stuff for a big breakfast (which I cooked this morning, more in a second on that) and I grabbed an avocado on a whim because I'd heard something in a meeting yesterday about them being a fruit. Right. I'd forgotten that.
I found the ripest, small to medium-small avocado I could and when I got home I opened it up and threw it in a bowl with two tablespoons of half and half and a tablespoon of sugar. I crushed it all up as smooth as I could with a fork in the bowl and when it was pretty smooth, I added about a teaspoon of lemon juice and mixed that in.
It tasted like ice cream, people. You can probably dial down the sugar to two teaspoons if you don't need it so sweet, but try it. If you like avocados, you'll love this.
So breakfast this morning was eggs benedict with hashbrowns. The Knorr powdered Hollandaise is perfectly acceptable as long as you add another tablespoon of butter to it and a tablespoon or so of lemon juice.
Anyway, I poached eggs again and I finally got 'em right. They were luscious and perfect for the benedict. Just wonderful. Too bad you weren't here to share it.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Anyone Can Do That
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| My supervisor wants to know why I'm not working on stories that will pay and allow me to spend more money on crunchies. |
Yeah, I know. Obvious, right?
Except it isn't to some people, even those who claim to be writers. It hasn't always been obvious to me and I've been extolling the virtue of writers keeping track of their time for a long while now.
A storyteller has to keep track of how much time a story takes. Not to figure out how much they're not getting paid, that's madness. No, keep track of the time so that when, later on, you are better at it you can see your progress. That's a great way to make yourself feel a helluva lot better about doing something that a lot of folks think they can do, too.
Not everyone can do what a writer does. Sure, there are a ton of books that purport to teach the Average Joe how to write a book and some of them are even helpful. I own a couple. I'm not criticizing the advice and I'm not criticizing those who seek that advice and follow it. In fact, I admire anyone who's got the stones to investigate the possibility of being a writer. Good for you and if you let me know you're out there, I'll do what I can to support you.
What I will criticize is the rube who declaims, "Huh. I can do that."
Go right ahead. However, don't diminish someone who's trying to do something by saying that 'any idiot' can do the same. That's absolutely not true and the idiot isn't the person who attempts something. No the idiot is the person so sees someone try and fail and claims they're an idiot. Look, idiocy is rampant in the world and everyone is capable of doing something to make the world a better place. I'm not a farmer but I admire anyone who can plant crops that feed more than just one family and make a living at it. I can't do that. I'm not a rocket scientist, either, nor a politician or painter or athlete. I'm not a cop or in the military and I don't work for any government agency.
I have my own day job and I'm a writer. I used to have skills at being a visual artist (drawing) and at being a musician (clarinet, bass clarinet, guitar and bass guitar) but I've let those lapse in favor of being a writer, a storyteller. I appreciate what it takes to be a rock star. It's hard work and damn if you aren't in the spotlight which is merciless. Especially if you're good at it and especially if a lot of people like your music.
Everything that makes the world a wonderful place to live requires someone to do the work that makes it so. Not everyone can do everything. Unless you put your mind to it.
Yeah, anyone can be a writer. How many stories have you written?
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Things To Avoid
Following up on last Friday's post, something that irritates me beyond belief is when I hear someone who says, "I'd like to introduce you to so and so, the high muckety-muck of this and that." My immediate, knee-jerk response is always: "Oh, you'd LIKE to introduce me to so and so but you're not going to? Why not?"If I'd LIKE to do something I'll do it.
Another thing that annoys me is when someone says "I just wanted to tell you this and that about so and so." Oh? You did? You 'just wanted'. Why didn't you?
No one ever 'just wants' to do something. If they're apologizing for it by saying they 'just want' to do something, it may not be something they want to do.
I avoid both of these phrases in my writing like the plague. Yes, the goddamned PLAGUE. If I've learned anything about writing over the last few years, it's that the thing that has to be done or said has to be said else you're wasting valuable pixels or ink on a thing that's unnecessary and probably BORING.
That's the pitfall that writers have to avoid most of all, being boring. I suggest that characters who say things like "I'd like to" and "I just wanted to" are probably real-sounding and if that's the type of story you're writing, then go for it. Write the dialogue that way. In my opinion, those are colloquialisms and should be avoided. Not that everyone in a novel should speak formally, god that'd be as boring as writing everything the other way. But if you're using those phrases in more than one place across more than one character your own natural speaking voice is creeping into your writing voice. Your writing will be better for avoiding them altogether.
I suggest that writers should be affirmative in writing their characters' dialogue. People who talk affirmatively are strong characters, especially in real life. They use phrases like the above sparingly and save them for occasions when they need them. They're aware of the language and the power that words have, especially when one is telling a story.
Finally, these two phrases are so ingrained into our daily life, they are so colloquial, that they've both crept into this post. I took the word 'just' out of the body of this post four times. It hits when you're not looking. All I'm saying is that you should look for it.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Shameless Shilling
When I was in grade school, we'd get a newsprint flyer, four pages long, filled with all kinds of books for sale. Man, those were the greatest times in about 4th, 5th and 6th grade. I would occasionally get the old Dynamite magazine along with things like Donald J. Sobol's Two Minute Mysteries or Encyclopedia Brown books and some really quirky stuff. One of the oddest things I ever got was a book called The Bunjee Venture, which was turned into an animated special you can now find on YouTube. I still have a copy of the book around here somewhere. I must've read it a dozen times.
As I was doing some research on the title I was surprised to find that the magazine itself was founded and the first three issues edited by Jenette Kahn, who later went on to be the publisher then president of DC Comics. Dynamite was actually the best-selling magzine for Scholastic ever when it launched, too. It also featured a two-page comic of The Dynamite Duo, which was always the first thing I read when I got my copy. The magazine itself was crammed full of pop culture, too, and that's what makes it mostly irrelevant to anyone under the age of 40 or so. Anyway, I digress.
Okay, so you get the point. I'm old. I believe that the Scholastic Book Club is still in existence and that there are tons of books that children can get from the publisher.
Well, that's enough of an introduction, I guess. Last year my first book was published through Actionopolis/Agent of D.A.N.G.E.R. as an ebook. I've had the link over on the sidebar ever since it went live. What you may not know is that a year later, the book is available as a real, physical object. I got mine in the mail last week and it's a nice piece of bound up paper. There's no thrill quite like getting a book in the mail, and none to equal opening the box that contains your own work.
I did a little jig and showed everyone in the house. I flipped through it and - of course - the first page you open to you see a mistake. It doesn't affect how the book reads so there's no use in pointing it out, but I feel pretty good that I experienced something that Neil Gaiman and others have had happen to them.
Anyway, if you're interested in buying the book, this link will take you to the Amazon page where you can order either version. I hope you will and I'd be grateful, that if you did order either version, if you'd leave a review of the book. Sooner or later I'll be able to tell you what's on the horizon for Evolver and I hope more about my work with the Agent of Danger guys.
Until then, thanks for letting me shamelessly shill my book at you. I hope you like it.
As I was doing some research on the title I was surprised to find that the magazine itself was founded and the first three issues edited by Jenette Kahn, who later went on to be the publisher then president of DC Comics. Dynamite was actually the best-selling magzine for Scholastic ever when it launched, too. It also featured a two-page comic of The Dynamite Duo, which was always the first thing I read when I got my copy. The magazine itself was crammed full of pop culture, too, and that's what makes it mostly irrelevant to anyone under the age of 40 or so. Anyway, I digress.
Okay, so you get the point. I'm old. I believe that the Scholastic Book Club is still in existence and that there are tons of books that children can get from the publisher.
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| Paperback edition cover by Phil Hester and Bruce McCorkindale |
I did a little jig and showed everyone in the house. I flipped through it and - of course - the first page you open to you see a mistake. It doesn't affect how the book reads so there's no use in pointing it out, but I feel pretty good that I experienced something that Neil Gaiman and others have had happen to them.
Anyway, if you're interested in buying the book, this link will take you to the Amazon page where you can order either version. I hope you will and I'd be grateful, that if you did order either version, if you'd leave a review of the book. Sooner or later I'll be able to tell you what's on the horizon for Evolver and I hope more about my work with the Agent of Danger guys.
Until then, thanks for letting me shamelessly shill my book at you. I hope you like it.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Made to Be Broken
Rules, I'm talking about rules.
Specifically I'm going to talk about Elmore Leonard's rules and why they helped me and why I may be ready to move on from them.
1 Never open a book with weather. This is excellent advice stemming from the horrible, horrible line "It was a dark and stormy night". That's telling, not showing.
2 Avoid prologues: they can be annoying, especially a prologue following an introduction that comes after a foreword. I think a prologue can drop a reader into an interesting story like a bomb and grab that reader's interest. That said, if a prologue can be the first scene of your book, make it the first scene, right? I've written prologues and moved them into the story proper as a flashback.
3 Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue. Using anything but 'said' is lazy writing. I work very hard to convey emotions through dialogue or actions and using any sort of modifier such as 'stated', 'questioned', 'moped' or anything that ends in -ly takes the reader out of the story. Everyone reads the dialogue in a book.
4 Never use an adverb to modify the verb "said" ... he admonished gravely. See rule 3. Same things apply.
5 Keep your exclamation points under control. I grew up reading comic books and I've continued to read them into my 40s. Exclamation points are part and parcel of comics. This is fiction. People don't shout every sentence every time. Use proper punctuation to convey the meaning you would have maybe used a modifier adverb for.
6 Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose". And that's all that needs to be said about that.
7 Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly. Great idea. Again, going back to comic books, a writer runs the risk of a character becoming a cliche-ridden parody. If that's what you're writing, go on ahead, but at the same time be aware that it may not be read the way you intended it to read and some readers (a minority to be sure) might be turned off by the patois if you don't do it correctly. Y'all unnerstan'?
8 Avoid detailed descriptions of characters. I'm on the fence here. I think having some description is good when it's important to a story. For instance if people are pulling things out of pockets, it's probably a good idea to say the character is wearing something with pockets. In SF, especially, descriptive details are important. I would modify this rule to continue with But if you must, give only enough description for the reader to get a sense of the characters. It's enough to say that one is an alien with white skin and big black eyes like a bug. The writer needn't go on about the slimy green carapace unless it becomes essential to the story later on.
9 Don't go into great detail describing places and things. Same as rule eight, with the same caveat. In SF one must give the reader the sense of the world, but allow for the blanks to be filled in. This rule is great for writers of fiction set in modern times where shorthand notations can be used like "the canyons of Manhattan".
10 Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip. A corollary to rules 8 and 9, really. Big blocks of text are what cause eyes to glaze over unless you're especially good at painting masterfully with words.
These rules are GREAT for a beginning writer. They have helped me to learn how to tell stories.Like anything else that requires practice, one must be given parameters to work within and those parameters must be honored while learning one's craft. Rules, they say, are made to be broken. They also say that one cannot break the rules until they are known.
Follow the link up above to read Leonard's original article. Any rules you'd care to add?
Additionally, you might read Keith Cronin's article about Adverbs at Writer Unboxed.
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| Some rules are good ideas until proven they aren't. |
1 Never open a book with weather. This is excellent advice stemming from the horrible, horrible line "It was a dark and stormy night". That's telling, not showing.
2 Avoid prologues: they can be annoying, especially a prologue following an introduction that comes after a foreword. I think a prologue can drop a reader into an interesting story like a bomb and grab that reader's interest. That said, if a prologue can be the first scene of your book, make it the first scene, right? I've written prologues and moved them into the story proper as a flashback.
3 Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue. Using anything but 'said' is lazy writing. I work very hard to convey emotions through dialogue or actions and using any sort of modifier such as 'stated', 'questioned', 'moped' or anything that ends in -ly takes the reader out of the story. Everyone reads the dialogue in a book.
4 Never use an adverb to modify the verb "said" ... he admonished gravely. See rule 3. Same things apply.
5 Keep your exclamation points under control. I grew up reading comic books and I've continued to read them into my 40s. Exclamation points are part and parcel of comics. This is fiction. People don't shout every sentence every time. Use proper punctuation to convey the meaning you would have maybe used a modifier adverb for.
6 Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose". And that's all that needs to be said about that.
7 Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly. Great idea. Again, going back to comic books, a writer runs the risk of a character becoming a cliche-ridden parody. If that's what you're writing, go on ahead, but at the same time be aware that it may not be read the way you intended it to read and some readers (a minority to be sure) might be turned off by the patois if you don't do it correctly. Y'all unnerstan'?
8 Avoid detailed descriptions of characters. I'm on the fence here. I think having some description is good when it's important to a story. For instance if people are pulling things out of pockets, it's probably a good idea to say the character is wearing something with pockets. In SF, especially, descriptive details are important. I would modify this rule to continue with But if you must, give only enough description for the reader to get a sense of the characters. It's enough to say that one is an alien with white skin and big black eyes like a bug. The writer needn't go on about the slimy green carapace unless it becomes essential to the story later on.
9 Don't go into great detail describing places and things. Same as rule eight, with the same caveat. In SF one must give the reader the sense of the world, but allow for the blanks to be filled in. This rule is great for writers of fiction set in modern times where shorthand notations can be used like "the canyons of Manhattan".
10 Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip. A corollary to rules 8 and 9, really. Big blocks of text are what cause eyes to glaze over unless you're especially good at painting masterfully with words.
These rules are GREAT for a beginning writer. They have helped me to learn how to tell stories.Like anything else that requires practice, one must be given parameters to work within and those parameters must be honored while learning one's craft. Rules, they say, are made to be broken. They also say that one cannot break the rules until they are known.
Follow the link up above to read Leonard's original article. Any rules you'd care to add?
Additionally, you might read Keith Cronin's article about Adverbs at Writer Unboxed.
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